I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize