i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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