Having a random hookup so left but love u
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
