Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
