It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
