Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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