Swine flu. Run for my life!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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