so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize