I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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