Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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