in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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