i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ugly people sure do ruin things
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
