Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
