ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
