I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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