google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
