Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize