WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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