they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
