Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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