What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
