im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
