i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
