this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
