remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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