TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
