is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
