420 ftw
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
birth control should be required to get into college
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
