we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can you bring me the toilet please
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Your penis caused this!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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