You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
