I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
