Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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