o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
