Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
