Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You dont lie about slip and slides
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
