the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
