god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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