man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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