I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
