i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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