May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
