There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
