I accidentally burped into my bong.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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