Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
