you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
