There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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