You just made me feel so damn special
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So many bounce houses so little time
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Randomize
