i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize