I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
