I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
