kristin has been a bad kristin
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
