So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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