Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
