But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
