just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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