I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So many bounce houses so little time
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
