New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Vodka?
Forever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
