new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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