also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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