So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
