So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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