It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
