remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize