dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
