Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
