There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
