I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
