I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
