Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
