I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
