Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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