This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
