You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
