Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
